Seems I finally got a check for this program and I want to cash it! The surprising thing is that I didn’t expect it to come by regular mail so quickly. I am anxious since it will help with paying for tuition and other school related things. Keeping myself away from leisurely activities that require me to pay some amount of cash is the best thing for me right now and is easy because I don’t usually bring money everywhere I go.

Being frugal is the way to go! Imagine spending your thanksgiving break in the dorms with ramen, cereal, and other little things while doing computer programming in the dark. That was my week and you know what? As depressing as that may sound to many people (yes people have commented “oh that’s depressing”, but I’m used to it), I loved it! Very Productive and that’s only the start. I’m excited as wanting to cash this check.

I am going to be working on a new website similar to the last one I created. Think it is about time I started something already because starting websites like this is fun. It’s fun because I get to develop, make money, talk to people or even mess around, and I can add it to my resume right? Anyway, this website is going to be on a free host until I feel I am confident enough to put it on a hosted server or even a dedicated server. Things like this excite me! Though I can’t forget my obligation to college work. I’ll manage.

This whole week is dedicated to working on this site and playing pianooooo!

It is the second day, so far, of the break and I am stuck here in the dorm. I would go home if I really needed to, but other than that I think it is better that I am here. There’s no one to talk to, but that’s fine. I’ve never really had people to talk to endlessly anyway. As life goes on, I’ll just keep doing my work and piano practice. The guys here wanted to know what would I do around here and I answered “programming”. Programming is the only thing to do in order to advance. Practice? No, I’m making a new website, which is sort of like my old one. Hmm, maybe I should start freelancing. Anyway, it is pretty lonely here. I guess I was technically invited to spend a week in Chicago, which would have saved me 125 bucks, but eh one day there is enough. The invite was shocking because I never expected anyone to invite me to their place. Hmph, it’s awfully nice though. Kind of wish I said yes at the time, ehhhh, oh well.

I couldn’t say I don’t like it here in the dorms though. This place is empty… it’s like a ghost town. Okay, maybe not to that extreme because there are some people here. It is just that the piano rooms are empty meaning I get exclusive access to them. WOOoooOooo!!!! The lounges and the computer room are open. I have a laptop, but no printer. One of the lounges allow me to get foooooooood…. okay junk food…, but any food is food during this point in time when the cafeteria is closed.

Look on the bright side, no classes for a week and no people to distract me from working. I think this is going to be a productive week towards my personal project. I should be studying for finals, but eh that can wait.

Is it a bad thing?
Is too much of it a bad thing?
Is too little of it a bad thing?
When is it a good thing?

No matter how far I get away from it,
it keeps catching up.
Its tentacles always reaching to grab me.
Why?

When will I have the chance to be overly optimistic?
How is it that I can be an optimist rather than a pessimist.
Hateful as being a pessimist is,
being an optimist is equally worse.

The benefit of being an optimist is..
the joy of people being around you.
Is that why I want to be optimistic?

—end–
This is my first time attempting a poem. Oh well… I need to read more anyway

No, I am not overly pessimistic. I am dwelling on the result dragging myself through the road of pessimism while trying to be an optimist at the same time. If being an optimistic means that more people are around you then I say: NO WAY! I am internally driven. Can’t stand the feeling of being externally driven to do something. Don’t you feel less and less inclined to do work once you think you are or have failed? To some extent, yes I do, but I still keep going. kthanksbye.

It has been a fun week. Note the sarcasm! College work is so much fun. I’m not too stressed all the time with work because I intend to get my degree while coming out of sane. Some people that I know have more work than I and I say! Good! I’m not going crazy for my first semester as a freshman.

I am only worried about my math grade because I haven’t been up to date with the work that we are doing. I get the gist of what the math teachers are saying, but I don’t progress on those ideas. I only seem to work on problems that I have trouble with, which is beneficial but I don’t practice enough to consider myself an adept math person anymore. Understanding what the professor says in class is pretty boring because he does the problems quickly. I’ve been staying awake in class, but I can’t always follow because I am hungry, tired, or confused. It is usually my fault if I am tired, hungry, or confused. I take responsibility for being confused because I should have read the math topic he was going to lecture on and then try a little bit of problems that I think I can tackle. Afterwards, going to lecture and understanding what he is doing should be a piece of cake. Hopefully… no I will change my habit. My mathematical competence is on the line here.

I have a problem and that is choosing between Math/CS and regular CS. The difference I see is choose a Math focused CS major means I have to take more intensive math courses for the rest of the year, while a regular CS major means I will have to take Physics and Chemistry. The bottom line is I am interested in Math/Physics/Chemistry or at least want to take a Physics and Chemistry course anyway. Chemistry is touted to be a hard course from what I hear, but I do not think the complainers are self motivated enough to pursue the class because it is possible that they do not see any potential use of Chemistry in the future. Charlie, a friend, says he doesn’t see any good use for chemistry anytime in the future, which is why he doesn’t like it, but he still goes to the class. He is motivated to get past the one year of Chemistry even though he doesn’t like it. It is sufficient to be motivated enough to get past the class… sometimes.

GS 102 on Thursday was pretty dramatastic. I couldn’t tell, if some people were being sarcastic or if they were playing along, but I say it was a funny class! I moved away from another girl in my class, but ended up with her anyway. I moved because of 2 reasons.. 1. I wanted to see what she would do and 2. It is funny. She didn’t do what I expected, which surprised me. Anyway, it is not like I dislike anyone in the class. Takes a lot to convince me to dislike or hate you. I guess I should act a little less assholeish though. I’m a blend of being a nice, smart-ass, and serious person.

I haven’t been the most energetic of people this week, but then again when am I? I’m that usually boring || nontalkative || techno geek that you won’t know until you ask questions or understand until you draw sparse connections.

Off to work!

Why am I watching it again? To be direct, this is an anime would love to remember for the rest of my life. Code Geass is all about a student’s rise to a rebellion against his father, who is the king of a huge empire, Britainnia. The story starts out in Japan, which has been taken over by by Britainnia and renamed Area 11. All people who were Japanese are now called Elevens. Britainnia is practically and geographically the United States.

What is most interesting about this show is that there is no specfic good or bad person and it relies on your ideological beliefs to determine who you are sympathetic with. It can go beyond ideological beliefs to personal beliefs as well. Lelouch is the student’s name who is rebelling against his father. His personal beliefs about how the world should be for his sister and the need to know who killed his mother sparks his sentiments against King Charles, his father. Geass is a supernatural power to control people against their will. There are different Geass and different effects.

First episode in season 2 starts off with Lelouch doing what he does best, gambling. The Britainnian military tracks what Lelouch is doing 24/7 with secret agents. Wait till you see the part where the baron is reading what Lelouch does on a certain day (waking up, skipping class, etc.). I would find that to be a little be too much for me if I was being monitored for certain activities. (Why do you care what time I wake up? It is insignficant.) Anyway, fast forward, Lelouch gains his identity (Zero) back alongside the self proclaimed witch, C2. Lelouch uses his geass to order the Britainnian soldiers, who surrounded him, to kill themselves. The Black Knights, Zero’s self proclaimed military although viewed as terrorists, were in on the operation to get Zero back.

Seond episode, season 2. Fast forward, Black Knights defeat the Britainnian forces at Babel Tower with the prize of killed the Viceroy of Area 11. Suzaku is a knight of the round. Zero makes his presence known to the world. Rollo, Lelouch’s fake brother and a secret agent, wants to kill Zero. Fake brother meaning that King Charles used his geass to plant memories of Rollo being a brother to Lelouch into everyone who knew Lelouch and Lelouch himself.

I don’t get why Lelouch’s father, King Charles, and Suzaku kept Lelouch alive only to plant fake memories in him. Why does Suzaku join the Knights of the Round with the intention to kill Zero? He captured Zero before, so what was the point in keeping Lelouch alive? I’m pretty sure King Charles could have gone through with his activities without Lelouch being alive. Apparently, Lelouch was used as bait. I guess it was to keep the story going, which is fine, but it is a cheesy way to do it.

Points: Lelouch has several identities throughout the series. Lelouch is a prince (Lelouch vi Britainnia), a student (Lelouch Lamperouge), a military commander (Zero). Those are the three main identities. Lelouch is Suzaku’s friend all throughout the series even though they have their turbulent periods. Lelouch and Suzaku have the same ideal world in mind at this point, but conflicting ways to bring it about causing trouble in their friendship.

Rewinding to Friday, I asked people where they were going and some didn’t know where they were going still, others were being exclusive, and others were doing nothing. I wanted to be one of the ones going to a party, but anyone who doesn’t know I don’t drink so, I won’t go to a drinking party by myself. It’s my fault entirely for not wanting to drink, but fine, parties aren’t defined by how much drinks are there. Choosing not to drink is the best thing for me right now and besides I am not 21 yet. Sure other people drink before they are 21, but I am not other people so I could careless about drinking at an early age. I probably won’t drink until I’m 30, who knows? Until I am past 21, I am not drinking and that is absolutely final. Being pressure to drink has no effect because I actually stick to my principals. Anyway, I was a little annoyed at the indirect answers I was getting when I asked to tag along with people I asked. Fine, that’s over and done with.

Saturday started out as a usual day except I decided to wear my military costume to lunch because I thought I looked funny in it. I went into Charlie’s(floormate/friend) room to whine about the whole “I want to experience college parties” belief I have…. so Brandon(floormate/friend) comes in to the room and decides to ask Charlie to play Age of the Empires. Hmph, I went into my room thinking about why couldn’t I go to parties or why can’t people just say no directly. Whatever… later on I came out of my room and saw a 4 person lan party. It is pretty fun to watch who is losing since you see the actions they take in order to get themselves out of a tight spot in the game. It makes sense to see how the other people are dominating, but I’m a beginner and want to learn how other people get out of problematic situations. The game ends with Brandon winning (I believe), so we decide to go to lunch. 8 person lan party topic pops up and we talk about how to do it. My solution works on the first try, yeah! Anyway, we started at 8 o’clock with 7 people with teams of 2 except Brandon being by himself. Brandon is really good at this game, so it is logical that he is by himself. During the game we were all attacked by Brandon’s forces one by one, but I pleaded and he spared me to the end. Apparently, I had no chance of winning because I had no real military to fight with, which isn’t a logical strategy. I had a good economy going, but no “standing” military to protect it. When Brandon’s forces came into my base, he ravaged it and I had no chance of survival. That’s the end of the first game. To fast forward this, I lost all the games I played throughout 4am with me being the lowest scorer. Of course, there were jokes, sarcasm, and people giving us candies. We were even offered free pizza.

To end this, well I thought this day would be the usual, but I had fun even though no parties. It is ironic that I was welcome to come to a Haunted House party while we were getting the LAN stuff rolling. After all of the whining, it is funny because I didn’t want to go anymore. Sure the Haunted House stuff would have been fun, but there was no way I could miss out on the LAN party we had going. My inner nerdiness took over for the rest of the night. Heck yeah, glad I stayed here. That is pretty much my day.

For the past three days I have slept for about 10 hours and I feel wide awake. The main reason? Learning the piano. I really want to improve at it and therefore have taken the liberty of taking part of my night’s worth of sleep to improving at piano. My last post has my reasons for playing piano, so from those reasons I feel I want to learn it while the thought of it lasts and while time avails. The side effect is that I don’t have the energy to suppress my urges to talk and control myself and I think that is a good thing. I can’t say for sure if lack of sleep is the reason for my new found interactivity since there are several other factors. Maybe a composition of all of the factors have led to my expression. I feel pretty good right about now and I will take advantage of it while it lasts.

2 groups of people at separate instances in two days talked about drinking to me saying that it is a good way to loosen up and socialize. Hah! It probably is, but I will not do it just because other people say so or from indirect pressure. When I feel it is time to try a drink it will be when I am not in college. Stress can be dealt with in many ways and I feel there are better ways to deal with it than drinking. That probably sounds like I’m putting people down for dealing with stress by drinking, to which I explicitly say “I am not.” Drinking is the easy way and I am opposed to it. Blow off peer pressure like it is dust. I won’t be pressured into drinking, maybe a soda (huh!), but not alcohol. Pressssssuuuuurrrreeeeeee is nothing when you really think about it, but submit to it and it is something. Your friends won’t abandon you because you won’t do something you don’t want.

Get the urge to do something today and stay awake all night!

I declared on October 9th that I would learn how to play the piano. It seems that I am progressing right along quicker than expected. Am I really a fast learner? Dang… then I am being lazy when I don’t understand some things or it is just that my head is pretty empty. Nevertheless, it has been effectively 2 weeks since I’ve said I would learn piano and I can play 4 songs satisfactorily.

The four songs I’ve learned, so far, are Mario Overworld Theme(30 seconds), Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Happy Birthday, and Jingle Bells. I can say I am not happy with these results, but I can’t say that I am overly happy. I want to learn more songs and learn how to play chords. Chords make the songs sound more lively and emotional. Hmmm, that will be my goal for the next week. Learn how to play chords, Mary had a Little Lamb, and maybe Zelda Theme(30 seconds).

Anyway, I got into learning how to play piano because I’d like to play these songs to someone some day, write my own songs to or about someone some day, or even teach it to someone some day. I am interested in learning new things as well as thinking of the possibilities in the future, but I guess wanting to play songs to a certain people is a good motivator as well. Since I am a programmer and since piano is pretty repetitive, so I guess they go hand in hand.

P.S. A friend who knows how to play is nice to have, as well. I was going at it alone at first, but hey any help is good help.

I wonder why do people or me, in particular, procrastinate? It is intellectually known that if work is done then there is more time to do whatever later. What is the point in pushing work till later where it will be half arsed, not done, or the pressure from wanting to get work done. Why must I torture myself with doing little work now and other work later?

There are a lot of things that I can do other than college work, but I know college work has to be done and so I put myself into the thought process that it must be done. Taking breaks is normal, but taking too long of a break because something or someone interesting popped up, so now I’ve extended my break until I am done with whatever activity associated. I know that I could try to divide my attention towards doing work and doing whatever other activity, but why should I? My belief in multi tasking applies when I am on the computer otherwise I will not. I have to focus on reading my book or whatever activity I am doing at the moment or else I will not feel that I did my very best at the current activity, then begins a cycle of blaming myself for what I should have done instead of focusing on prevention.

It is not that college work isn’t interesting sometimes, but I would rather find myself doing something more interesting than what I am reading. My curiosity drags me away from my work and onto the internet reading and writing about certain articles, looking at other graphic art, or programming(though I tend to stay away from this).

Ah… Just generated a new idea right now! Maybe this idea will lead to some glorious website. Ha! See procrastination isn’t all bad!

The question is… “Do I really want to stop procrastinating?” Probably not, but it is unproductive and against me to keep on. I think procrastinating can be a good thing in small amounts meaning as long as you can remember at some point that there is something important to be done. Even if you remember, will you do it? If not, then there is no point in remembering the task to be done. Using a ToDo list without following it isn’t a good idea, since you lose belief that it helps with time management. It happens all the time.

Actually, I am procrastinating right now, in order to write this. *Laughs*
Maybe I should off-shore some of this work!